Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
