What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
