YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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