Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
