i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
