I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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