You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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