Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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