Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
