today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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