tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
