i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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