well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
