Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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