I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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