sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
