I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you win again, gameday.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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