i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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