So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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