saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
