Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
