# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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