we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
My vagina is officially offended.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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