just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
