you would pick up someone in the library
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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