Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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