Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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