So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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