girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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