Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
