Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
