and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
