please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
