im six kinds of drunk right now
please come you make the beer taste better
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Text me some of your sweat
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
