I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
