Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My penis needs a shock collar
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
