There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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