Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
