i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I am midnight drunk by noon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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