Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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