For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
