a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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