just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
