What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
