Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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