don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
