Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
