Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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