Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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