it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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