Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
