i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
