So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
