the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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