why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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