Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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