with your own penis?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
