My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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