he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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