yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
